lazy

Why do I procrastinate and be lazy? Why do I wanna slaughter my own future? Why I just can't bring myself to do anything productive? People say just do just study. Don't study is your fault. It's not as if woohoo~ I wanna study then I can concentrate and study. My mind is weak I think. Then people would say go make your mind strong. How? Should I give electric shocks to myself to make myself feel awake and alive? Do I need some table or chart to keep my goals in perspective? So what if it's written out? I just can't feel anything. It's as if I'm numb to what i'm supposed to feel.